1. Text edited online
While visiting London in the summer of 2008, we stumbled upon the Hummingbird Cafe, a quaint bakery in Notting Hill that only served cupcakes. We were charmed by the decor and the delicious treats. Knowing that Tallahassee is a well-traveled, intellectual community, hungry for creative ideas, we thought it would be the perfect market to open our very own cupcakery
While visiting London in the summer of 2008, we stumbled upon the Hummingbird Cafe. a It is a quaint bakery in Notting Hill that only served cupcakes. We were charmed by the decor and the delicious treats all the scrumptious cupcakes. Knowing that Tallahassee is a well-traveled, intellectual community, hungry for creative ideas; we thought it would be the perfect market to open our very own cupcakery.
I took out the first comma after Café (on the second line) and replaced it with a period. I then removed the delicious treats cause to me it did not sound right(they only served capcakes and treats makes it sound like they serve many desserts) and replaced it with all the scrumptious cupcakes. Last on line five after creative ideas I replace the comma with a semi-colon so it wouldn’t be a run on sentence.
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